Is it really possible?

WOW, been through a lot since I hit my goal weight. First I made a huge mistake by going on MAINTENANCE the same minute the scale hit the goal number. I should have waited at least month to be sure it was a true weight.

So many thoughts surrounding the "NUMBER" on a scale but will try to not ramble and get to it all in due time.

After 2 years with relatively few slips I snapped like a dry twig in a split second to add more calories to my daily food plan. I was so excited and that was where the slip began. I flew across the precipice of getting more to eat with the same mindlessness I had when I was eating everything in sight. And WOW it was a WHOPPING 200 to 400 additional calories for my weight, age, gender, and height...they were WRONG. I promptly gained 5pounds. A Five pound fluctuation sounds like a normal weight gain but it was a SOLID 5lbs. I fluctuated the usual 3 to 5lbs on top of that. In other words, in no time I could be up TEN (10) pounds from my goal weight. Having that happen after slowly losing for over 2years was worse than a Taser Shock.

I know the statistics, all but 10% gain back the weight and more, also of that 10% only 5% don't gain some of it back at all.

If I would gain all 65lbs back, I probably would want to run away and live in a cave.

Still, that extreme fear didn't stop me from thinking I could be like so many people that can still have a "chocolate brownie" (for example)
I CAN NOT DO THAT. Why?
Because:

MENTALLY: if it's OK to eat a brownie, it's OK to eat a brownie anytime.
PHYSICALLY: My metabolism can no longer handle getting such a pure blast of Glycogen(sugar) and not turn it to fat
EMOTIONALLY: The high I get from the sugar makes it easier to deal with my emotions and I need to be able to feel them, not shove them away with food.
SPIRITUALLY: Because I have to respect that my life with all it's imperfections is a gift and I shouldn't clog it up with anything that could tarnish it. (especially with self loathing that I am obese.)

Here is the good news, I found the key. The key is WILLINGNESS. A very hard key to find, keep and use but all you have to do for the first step is to NOT GIVE UP trying. The key of willingness is how you will come to believe you can do it. Until you believe you can do this it won't happen.
So, be willing to believe that you can do it.
Be willing to not give up.
Be willing to understand what it is you are doing wrong at a very conscious level and face it.
Be willing to believe that you are not a problem person you are a person with a problem
Be willing to feel the emotions that have been stuffed down for so long.
Be willing to let yourself be the good parent or adult to yourself and calm those anxiety emotions, Be Willing to get HELP if you can't do it.
Be willing to find a proper food plan, don't hang onto the hope that you can still eat the foods that make you gain and the quantities and change at the same time.
Be willing to start NOW, be willing to start NOW, Be willing to pick yourself up and start being willing!!!!

I am going to continue on my quest to teach what I've learned, I've remained anonymous for a good reason...the less people know about me personally the better it is for them to not judge me. It is natural to judge a person and compare themselves...who I am, what I look like and my accomplishments do not matter. What matters is if I have enough intelligence to make sense.

Words only have meaning when a person is ready. Be willing to understand what you as a unique person truly wants and be willing to work at giving it to yourself.

I know what you want, you wouldn't have read this far if you didn't want...to be healthy and have this problem with eating and food off your back. Be willing to get rid of processed food.

It is really possible to love what you eat, eat a lot, make it delicious, lose weight and be very proud of the accomplishment to get the food monkey off your back.
It is possible to feel so good about eating right that you actually don't care that you don't look like an 18 year old model. IT IS PEACE OF MIND, EMOTIONS, BODY and SPIRIT. YOU CAN DO IT.

I am a bit annoyed!

Why am I annoyed? Because there are so many people who seem against calorie counting. If you are one of them and have lost weight, kept it off, can eat whatever you want...I am very happy for you and would be thrilled to hear of your continued success!

But, that is not me! That is also not so many people I know. I do not have the metabolism or physique of a thin person and no amount of exercise or eating stimulating food will change that.

I have very thick blood that doesn't oxygenate very well and my entire family have always had sluggish bowels. There is diabetes, cholesterol and thyroid problems in my family and while I am still in normal range it is because for 40 years of my life I had a weight problem and being in the public eye I was very selfconscious of what I ate and avoided foods that would have blown me up over 300lbs. Also my family for some absurd reason never had to diet, they were and still are all slim. I was the chubby one, so I am sure that my battle with food is what kept me slim.

BUT you should know, you can't name a diet pill, a diet club, a diet plan, a diet supplement, a diet food replacement, appetite suppresant including acupuncture and aroma therapy, fasting, hypnosis and more... that I have not tried!!!

I want to tell you more about the way I think, but the words only come from time to time and I am SO not a writer and that makes it hard for me.

I am going to all this trouble to post on a blog and on Twitter because I want to help. I can't tell you how badly I feel for those that are struggling like I did and I still do struggle a BIT. I want to help because I KNOW I can. I know that I have actually develooped new eating habits. IT IS TRUE. By counting calories and eating whole foods I can't believe how easy this is all getting. Can you imagine it being a habit to not overeat??? Can you imagine it being a HABIT TO NOT EAT JUNK FOOD? Oh my, it's like a miracle. Just from counting calories and avoiding processed crap food like the plague.

I just want to address Food and Eating in this post even though I have intense opinions of how we got lost and what happened to us emotionally, physically and spiritually as a result of our bad eating habits. Still, I do know for a FACT that we need to relearn how to eat.

We need to relearn how to eat, without doing it we are still condemning ourselves to the worthless feelings that come with losing and gaining.

Calorie counting. Why do I place so much importance on it? Because you must eat a certain amount of calories everyday to keep your metabolism going and to lose weight. THAT IS A SCIENTIFIC FACT. Hating to count calories or cooking and planning and preparing food for yourself is the single most destructive thing you are doing to yourself.

Can you imagine if a Mom didn't feed her baby properly, she would be in jail and the child taken away. Well you are not feeding yourself properly because you HATE IT???

Yep, you need to find the time...because you are miserable the way you are.

OK Why Count calories...because YOU have no idea what you are doing!!!!!! If you are like me!

You need to plan healthy meals of food that doesn't convert quickly to sugar in your blood (refined processed food) and count the calories so that you eat properly.

Know when you eat too much one night and the next morning you aren't hungry so you skip breakfast??? Breakfast THE most important meal of the day, YOU skip it! If you ate properly during the day you would look forward to breakfast.

Trying to stay on track, told you I am not a writer so I'm doing the best I can.

Just try counting calories, everyone has a method to do it, but the math- dividing the ounces into the calories, looking up the calories, the scraps of paper to write and add can be a giant PITA. So try http://www.sparkpeople.com it's FREE. It's the best way to track your food and nutrition, they do the math, the breakdown ALL for YOU. I am not affiliated with them in any way. You will not lose weight if you eat just an extra 100-200 calories a day that you do not burn. You can gain weight if you eat just 200 extra cals a day, maybe just 1/2lb a month but that is 30 lbs in FIVE years.

Once you know that you are eating the right amount of the right food you can identify the times that you are wanting to eat for all the wrong reasons. You can know the difference between habitual, emotional desire to eat. Only then can you deal with it. You may fall of a zillion times, but there is at least something to get back on to. There is no diet to blow, no food plan to screw up. There is just old ways to change and go back to proper eating the proper amount of calories.


This is for people who are just like me and are sick and tired of gaining weight and the desperate hopeless feeling that comes with it.

I love Cauliflowers and have several different recipes for soup.

I think that the best is to give you the basic recipe and then list some options. It is so easy. Cauliflower is a very bland veggie so taste it plain, you can always add spices. One thing I have learned about making fresh vegetable soups is that you don't want to complicate the recipe so that you don't lose the pure taste of the vegetables.

I prefer to use Leeks, but onions will do just fine.

Choose your fat/oil depending on how low calorie you want to make the soup.
Also

Here goes:

BASIC Cauliflower soup.

3Leeks or onions
Olive or canola oil, marg, butter, or PAM
1 large Cauliflower
2 chicken flavored bouillon cubes (I use McCormicks Vegan cubes)
*Milk + rice flour to thicken if you desire
1 tsp sweetener optional.



Roughly chop up 3 large leeks or 3 medium onions
In a large soup pot use 3 measured tbsps of olive oil or whatever you want, butter, margarine, veggie oil, Pam will save 300 calories for the whole pot.
Toss in the chopped leeks and on a medium temp saute them till they get translucent and soft, not brown. Stir often
I add little dashes of water if it starts to brown,
When the leeks or onions are soft add 1 whole roughly chopped up cauliflower
Saute for just a couple of minutes then cover the veggies with water. Careful not to add too much water, just enough to cover them (completely) otherwise the soup won't be thick enough.

Ok here is what I use, 3 McCormicks Vegetarian Chicken Flavored Bouillon cube, it adds lots of taste with no distinctive flavor, but you can use any chicken flavored bouillon cube. If you like to use liquid chicken broth then use it but make sure it's just to cover the cauliflower and veggies.
Let it boil, then reduce heat to simmer. It cooks very quickly.
OK that is the basic..

This is EXTRA
You can add garlic, shredded white cabbage ( I love nappa Chinese cabbage) Parsnips, peeled zucchinis...anything white.
Then you can add more water to cover and 1 or more bouillon cubes.

You can add favorite herbs, a bay leaf, grate some fresh nutmeg or make it spicy with cayenne or chilies or even some curry. Some people love a teeny little cumin in it while it's cooking. Of course you can add more herbs or spices after its cooked. AGAIN: Remember that cauliflower is a very bland veggy so use all herbs or flavoring very sparingly so it won't over power the soup


Lets assume you are going for the most basic plain simple cauliflower soup which is delicious. When the cauliflower is soft, use a hand held blender to puree it till its completely smooth...OR...
you can also remove a few pieces of cauliflower before you puree it and add it after to have the occasional whole piece.
I often will add a tsp of sweetener or sometimes a dash of lemon juice and sometimes 1/2 cup of milk. If you want it even richer, not concerned with extra calories, use butter or a dash of cream to make it silky. If it is too watery, I use a tbsp of RICE flour mixed in cold milk to thicken it. Do the same even if you added any of the other white veggies.

Add salt and pepper to taste.

Lots of people like it when I add the cumin, makes it sort of middle eastern tasting, but I do like the simplicity of it plain, reminds me of rich vichyssoise, you can top it with chopped chives or a dollop of sour cream. It never lasts long enough to get fancy around here.

*note if you don't want milk products, water is just fine, I make it like that for my lactose intolerant family members and it is just as rich.

Let me know how it turns out.

Is this you? Us?

We spend so much time thinking about food and our bodies and feel so helpless especially when we've made so many efforts to change. Maybe we've lost a few pounds or a 100 pounds, it took so much effort but slowly and surely we made bad food choices and the pounds crept back on.

We can get so muddled in our minds that sometimes we get such a blank spot that we just blindly eat anything when we get the signal "it's ok to eat". Sure when we are really busy or really occupied with other things we can actually forget about eating but as soon as there is a blank space in our lives the first thought is FOOD. All the time you hear people say they don't need to be depressed, lonely or bored to eat, they can crave stuffing food even when they are happy and feeling blessed.

So it must be our emotions, we have a problem with our emotions. YES, without a doubt there are people with serious emotional problems, these people can act out the severity of these problems in many ways not just with food. If you are one of those people, seek professional help.
There are many counselling groups and places to go to talk to people who can help you. You don't just have to go to a psychiatrist or psychologist; in this day and age there are so many sources that are willing to help you. There are even some free groups like A&A or Overeaters Anonymous and many Community centers often organize help groups ...it's up to you to get help.

But maybe you don't have severe emotional problems. Maybe you can see how well you solve all the problems and trauma that is our daily lives. Maybe you know you are actually smart and can function in spite of everything in your life including things that happened to you in your past. Maybe you think there is something the matter with your spirituality,/conscience/emotions there are so many books being written on the subject…yes maybe you can find a spiritual way to lose weight. Maybe you can lose weight when you immediately forgive yourself and learn to love yourself. Maybe you can even lose weight when you forgive everyone else in the whole wide world that you felt responsible for what ails you and the planet Earth in general. Past, present and future.

As long as you realize that the future is unknown and hellish problems can rise up in the future. So you also need skills to not fall into the old patterns when “stuff happens”.

Speaking of patterns here is what I think,

We broke our appestat. As soon as we overate repeatedly for years, we broke our appestat. That means we can go way past the signals that say “STOP! I am full, I can’t eat another bite”. It also means that no amount of work on our emotions will repair our appestat…only chance we have is years of re-programming it and a lot of hard work coping with eating less than we used to.

We have likely screwed up our blood sugar and forced our livers to store so much glycogen as fat that it will also take years to straighten out our metabolisms.

We had a bad habit of trying to starve ourselves after we ate too much. This has nothing to do with emotions or loving ourselves this is a natural logical response to overeating. *Ate too much one meal eat less next meal or don’t eat at all tomorrow.* Years of doing this has totally screwed us up.

I am going to take a break in posting about this just for now because I need you to hear me….you need to change. You do not need a diet. You need to relearn how to eat healthy food in proper portions everyday. You need to reprogram yourself. You need to face that years of screwing up is not because you are a pathetic overweight hopeless person, it’s because you got lost and lost the ability to eat properly. You became a HABITUAL OVEREATER, and it’s unlike any other bad habit, you cannot abstain completely like with cigarettes or drugs and alcohol. You have to eat

So this is about retraining, reprogramming and building new habits, it could take years. You are about to face a giant challenge that has many obstacles, hurdles and steps backwards…but…you first have to believe that a simple plan of eating healthy balanced meals in proper portions will restore you. Now here is where I get fanatical-ish. NO MORE PROCESSED FOOD. Listen, hear, understand…your body does not need one more drop of refined sugars in the form of processed food. NOT ONE DROP. In order to restore your ability to eat properly you have to believe that. This is not just about losing weight; this is about RECOVERING from food obsession and overeating.

*Addendum: I've become aware I should define "Processed Food". In reality just chewing your food is processing it. I am referring to all foods that are so over refined+ manufactured that they convert too quickly to sugar/glycogen in your body. I am not referring to Pre-Prepared healthy food. How to know the difference? Well this is a serious problem if you have to ask, sorry to be so blunt. Probably if you omit foods that are made with Sugar + Flour you will eliminated 90% of the problem processed food out there. Many professionals believe that if you crave a food you are likely addicted to it, and the primary source of food addiction is this quick digesting of food as SUGAR/Glycogen. Yes, processed food is quickly turned to ALCOHOL in your body and like an alcoholic you CRAVE more.

There is also a belief that if flour or sugar is listed after the 5th or 6th ingredient it is a very insignificant amount. Perhaps that is a good way to start eliminating it from your diet

Have a look at this post about insulin and your liver.

http://caloriegirl.blogspot.com/2010/02/good-carbs-vs-bad-carbs.html

I welcome questions on twitter :)

http://twitter.com/CalorieGirl

OK so I am at my goal NOW WHAT?

I've spent 3 days now chatting with others about feeling depressed or let down after reaching our weight loss goal. OH for sure there was cheering and elation, but then there was a general consensus of some sort of melancholy.

Oh boy so many people felt the same way. We related it to everything from climbing a mountain to graduating from University to what happens after the Wedding. You work so hard at something, you achieve it... then what?

In many case the biggest fear was regaining all the weight. The data supports that most people will regain the pounds and the worse part is that all of us are on anywhere from our 2nd to 5th time losing a large amount of excess pounds.

Some people who were overweight all their life were having an identity crisis. Feeling like the same person but being treated differently by people they've known forever is really messing with them. Also having people romantically interested in them is also very confusing.

To be continued.....


JUNE 18th 2010!!!

How amazing to be here 6 weeks later and say I AM DOING IT.
What I am loving the best about this "Maintenance" stuff is that so much understanding is constantly rolling into my mind. Every day I seem to understand something new.
I should have written a lot of it down but seeing I am far from being a writer I will do my best to share my enlightened thoughts with you when I can and hope they make sense. Maybe you are like me and they will ring a bell loud enough to help.

You know those days when you think -"you will never lose it", that "it's too hard"....by the time you have thought - "it will take too long too lose" you've already made the decision to just eat whatever whenever.

I know without any doubt that the problem is that YOU are DIETING! How many successful weight losers have to tell you that DIETING DOESN'T WORK! You have to make a real change in your life. You have to look at your excuses to NOT make those changes square in the eye. AND YOU MUST NOT CHOOSE ANYONE OUTSIDE YOURSELF AS THE CHANGES YOU NEED TO MAKE. For example, get a divorce, leave a job...stuff like that.
The change you have to make is to stop eating the wrong food and too much food! You have to learn how to eat so that you can tell the difference between Emotional Eating, Addictive Eating and Habitual Eating.

What does this have to do with Maintenance? IT WORKS WHEN YOU HAVE REACHED YOUR GOAL.

If you really and truly have retrained your eating habits, retrained your taste buds, retrained yourself to eat proper portions at proper times it will not reverse after you have reached your goal.

Maybe you are thinking that you are happy for me, but that you are different, well maybe you are, but if you think that giving up your cupcake is going to make you feel deprived you need to GROW UP. Help yourself understand that wanting to eat all those processed foods and sugar so you won't be DEPRIVED is nonsense, childish and just plain ridiculous. How can you want sugar, fat and flour more than your health and to attain the one thing you really want more than anything in the world - to get rid of that bulk of excess pounds??? How can you want to deprive yourself of sanity more than deprive yourself of biscuits and bacon gravy???

Note* If your food plan includes a diet of sugary, fried foods and you are able to lose, feel good and can manage it...then you are not like me and I AM HAPPY FOR YOU.

In conclusion:
What I am finding from talking to 100's of people on another chat board about Maintenance is the people who are LOVING their new way of eating (like I am) who have also become acutely aware of the predicament we are in with food are indeed keeping it off.

I am only 90% processed food free, at best 95%, but I can handle that little bit compared to eating over 50% processed food in the past.

I spent over 20 years being fashionably slim just by not eating sugar & flour. When I started to eat it again it was like a dam burst, didn't binge...just ate a bit here and there with extra helpings to gain 60lbs in about 8 years at less than 1 pound a month! Spent the next 5 years trying to lose it the WRONG way:- I could lose 10-15 pounds and gain it all back in 2-3 weeks. Finally went into a true healthy diet and lost the 60 in 2 years painlessly by comparison to (UGH) DIETING.

Going to try to post here more often. Have so many thoughts to share.

Stop struggling, relearn how to eat, learn how to love and enjoy healthy food.

CHECK OUT MY DETOX LIST:
http://caloriegirl.blogspot.com/2009/06/special-foods-for-detox-diet.html

It's a scientific compilation that also rids the body of the most common food allergies.

Retrain - reprogram yourself, get your priorities straight. With all your heart, mind and soul you want to lose weight...learn how to change.

For those that are sure their eating habits are a result of abuse and extreme emotional illness, please find help! You deserve to be helped, you were not born to suffer and carry the burden of injustice for your whole life. Step one: You have to believe that.

Just a thought to ponder about Calorie Counting

Over the years I found that most overweight people just do not know what to eat. They think they know but they can't tell real hunger from just an urge to eat for the instant pleasure of it!!! If you make sure you have eaten properly during the day then you can be assured that the urge to eat anything or everything over and above a healthy day of eating is what you have to overcome. There are a gadzillion tools to do that.

In most cases, people who eat too much or eat high calorie low nutrition food will compensate by trying to eat less at another meal or actually starving themselves or telling themselves they won't eat that much later/tomorrow...and without fail they always do eat too much, because they are really hungry.

It's a long story, but in the shortest way: When you don't eat or eat too little your body's metabolism compensates by slowing down, reserving food for energy...but when you DO eat the body doesn't automatically start BURNING food, it is still STORING it as....FAT. (See some of my other blog posts for more on the subject of sugar and fat)

I could write a book, actually that is exactly what I should do...but...then what? LOL

Counting calories might seem like a lot of work, but...it's a gift from the Science World to help us foodies stay in line. Once you start feeling in control, lose that yucky feeling of "why did I eat that" Or "I hate being overweight" you will love counting.
Counting calories, weighing and measuring is more fun, more joy than receiving money every day and figuring out how you have to spend it!!! I promise it is.

Pat Barone

Since I first started on Twitter I had the good fortune to Twitter-Meet PatBarone. Although I doubt we will agree on everything, especially because I count calories and I don't think Pat does, I do believe she has an wonderful insight to our problems with food.

Today I visited her BLOG
http://stoprentingweightloss.com/ where Pat talks about that child in us. I recommend reading the entry. "We All Have to be a Parent Sometime!"

Pat is a professional and a celebrity in her field, I feel that the more light we can shed on this problem the more we can help others. NO ONE UNDERSTANDS this problem except a person who actually has lots of weight to lose and has done it!

This is my personal commentary on her entry.

I agree with Pat, childhood emotions will always come up. Every minute of our formidable years were filled with fear, sadness, loss, frustration, PAIN and much more. For those that think they didn't experience any of those emotions they are only fooling themselves. Unless an adult helped to soothe those feelings, the immature mind most likely had no idea how to deal with them. More likely an adult said "quit your whining, stop crying or worse. Many times a kid is given a cookie or candy to get them to stop and behave.
As an adult anything can trigger those childhood emotions. What is the solution?
Step One (imo) Remember you are the adult now and YOU can give that child the reassurance it needs. You KNOW as an adult that you are very capable so give your child an imaginary hug, love it up... tell your inner child that you can protect her/him .

Help your child it will never leave you it is YOU. Do it, because for love...you can do anything!

Who needs white flour when there are so many alternatives!

This is about food, not exercise.

"Eat about 1,600 calories a day, filling up on whole grains, fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and healthy monounsaturated fats."
That is from a gadzillion sites, it is the way to lose.
________________________________________________________

Lately I am aware that people can vehemently resent anyone telling them what or how to eat, so please read this and take whatever you think can help you, my motive is to help. Why I feel compelled and so passionate about it is a mystery to me because I am so aware of that resentment.

OK here goes:

Make a treat a completely different food source than white flour, it will build your self esteem even more than help with weight loss. Every time you do THE BEST for yourself you feel better in every way. If you want cookies, get whole grain or sprouted-grain cookies sweetened with raisin or dates or even maple syrup, but no snack treat should be over 100 calories. Crazy for chocolate, it can be good for you, eat 70% or more dark chocolate even if it has some sugar content, organic chocolate will at least have organic sugar (no chemicals).Remember the 100 calorie Rule

There are TONS of the most amazing and delicious whole grain and sprouted grain breads out there, make sure you can find the calorie count on the bread. Whole grain Brown Rice pasta comes in every shape and size and I found brands that never get mushy or starchy. Eat Buckwheat, Quinoa, Red and Brown whole grain Rice. Eat Oatmeal, Ezekiel cereals, 12 whole grain cereals, just think 100% whole grain instead of white flour. Also use lactose free milk (no one who is over weight needs lactose sugar which is also mucous forming) Try sugar free natural Almond Milk for cereal.

Nuts and seeds are very high calorie, you could have a giant piece of fish instead of 6 nuts..but walnuts are so good for you, use low fat dressing and toss walnuts into your salad, I chop organic(so tender) RED cabbage into my salads for extra crunch. I toss leftover salad into vegan bouillon broth, chop green onion and if I want it to be hearty add some beans or brown rice, sesame oil, hot chilies (a seasoning example) for an instant soup with lunch or dinner. Leave out the starch and just toss any veggies you have in the fridge then puree it for a thick soup snack with about 50 calories for 2 CUPS and HEALTHY HEALTHY HEALTHY... and.....delicious if seasoned the way you love it. How about two cups of pureed (non starchy)veggie soup with a slice of whole grain bread with 1-TSP natural nut butter and either fruit or unsweetened jam it's under 200C, what a perfect snack at 10 am or 4 pm.

I buy eggwhites at Costco, I get 3 cartons there for the price of one at regular supermarkets...eggwhite omelets are the best thing in the world and 0-mg cholesterol. One white is 15 calories, 1 large whole egg is about 70, you can have 4 eggwhites for 60C. Toss/fill them with anything and everything you can dream off.

I also make pizzas out of the 12 whole grain tortillas right in the toaster oven. I eat potatoes, not often, but they are a whole food filled with nourishment, I like red skinned and eat the skin...it slows down the starch from turning to quickly to sugar...and...anything colored RED or darker is full of antioxidants.

I could go on and on and on. If you saw my FAVORITE list on Sparkpeople it looks like half a supermarket. OH and I try to eat Grapefruit at least 3 times a week, it has AWESOME cholesterol lowering properties.

Anyway, I do feel bad being so pushy about white flour and sugar, I know even the healthiest eat it...but I can guarantee you they do not have MY weight problem, I spent over 20 years not eating it and stayed nice and thin, I only added a wee bit to my diet and gained all that weight...I KNOW I CAN'T EAT EVEN A DROP. I also know that people who have trouble losing and are food USERS need to give up every drop of food that converts too quickly too sugar in their body.

Please keep in mind, I am not perfect, but it's not because I deliberately tell myself it's OK to eat this, it's because I am slipping and not caring about myself at that moment, I just have the BIG LIGHT flashing in my head that says EAT IT, WHO CARES and I CAN JUST RETURN TO NOT EATING IT TOMORROW.

If you take anything from this post..try to just take this: Avoid foods that convert to sugar too quickly, they are depressives because your blood sugar will rise quickly and drop quickly leaving you tired and feeling low. They are addicting, you like the feeling when your blood sugar is UP so you will want to eat more of it. And if you are overweight it will continue to be stored as FAT, please help your liver, it does not need to store more fat on your body.

Also remember once you know the truth about food and your body, everything you do that you are aware is not good for you is one more spike in your self worth.

"THE SCALE"

I gained over 60 pounds by not weighing myself for about a 7 year period. I did not gain it quickly, it was so gradual, possibly under 1 pound per month. So now I weigh everyday, every morning, I allow for a 1-to-3 pound fluctuation and get very excited when the scale goes to a new low. Lost 50 pounds this way.

I cannot trust myself to not gain gradually. When you gain only 1 pound a month it can take 2 years before you change your clothing size especially if you are like me and like stretchy clothes.

Yes not losing can affect me emotionally, but that is also part of my healing process...to not focus on my body size or weight, to focus on eating properly. So even though I am often disappointed if I'm up that 3lbs I take it the right way...and realize that I ate too much salt, had too many stupid snacks and LEARN what I'm doing wrong.

I realize that being in denial about why the scale is not moving downward is a big enemy of my changing my way of eating for life. I've made that scale my good friend, who is honest and keeps me aware.

Time for new friends or no friends?

YEP!!! Losing weight is isolating. We have to put so much focus everyday, every hour on re-programming ourselves so if we can prevent outside forces from interfering with that focus we sure do avoid people.

I've recently noticed that I don't like the people in my life that much since I've been changing. I also find I took too much comfort in other people's problems so now it seems I am best friends with a bunch of whiners and complainers. Oh I am the first to want to rescue someone but.. it seems these people do NOTHING else but complain to me about every little thing!!!

Having said that, I do know that I MUST get out and create some new friends, people who are like me, not the way I was. People who have changed themselves and know the hardship of losing weight and mostly those who bravely want to face a new life as a normal sized person.

I will never be cured of my eating disorder, I see that now that I've been fighting with food for over 40 years. Yes I managed to keep my weight off for over 20years but then at the rate of about 8 pounds a year I managed to gain 60+ pounds...still unbelievable to me how that happened, but it did.
I also became more and more reclusive, was embarrassed by the way I looked and didn't feel I fit in. I also didn't want to hang out with overweight people because it was also too horrible to know I was just like them and the one thing I have learned is the overweight people are a million times more critical of body size than thin people. Oh thin people are critical, but not as much as those of us that need to lose.

The catch in all this is we need to be social, we need to get into life and interact with people. We need to enjoy and dance and sing and mostly have a ball with our delicious sense of humor!!! Sure we can laugh and whoop it up here on our computers but what happens in our other world?

We are in a war with our old selves and even when we win the next day is a new battle. Every day we need to sharpen our weight loss tools, hone our skills and go forward into battle with that slippery slope that can slide us right back to where we just do not want to be. So not only do we have to be alert when we are alone we also need to be on guard of the "social life" that is full of the food and people that will make us lose the battle.

It's now time to clean house of the people who are really no good for me. This will be tough! If I was an addict I couldn't spend every day with people who are doing drugs right in front of me...the same goes for these Emotional Wrecks in my life. I am going for emotional good health and will have to leave a few people behind so that I can survive. I am not selfish, I just need to let go of the comfort I have knowing that these people NEED me as long as I listen to them whine. Who knows maybe I will be doing them a favor.

I am going to try to rebuild a new social life and have lots of ideas how to do it.

Miracle Weight Loss Cult

In a waiting room in a hospital I struck up a conversation with a big man who felt the need to tell me that he was going to have gastric bypass surgery. He was there waiting for news of a family member who was only 54 and had suffered a heart attack. He told me that many of his family died young because they were so overweight and that he didn't want to die young too. He said he had lost 150 pounds twice and twice gained it back and now he felt there was no other solution.

It was his enthusiasm that triggered this new observation on my part. He was so enthusiastic, like he found a panacea, a cure, a miracle cure and I suddenly felt really badly for him. I took it upon myself to tell him what I thought and I guess I kind of burst his bubble, but I believe I gave him the best advice he will ever have.

He never took into consideration that his cravings and obsession with overeating and eating horribly wrong food would not end because he had surgically shrunk his stomach. He really didn't want to face all the info out there about what people have gone through gaining their weight back after the surgery. He really didn't think about the restrictive diet he would have to be on either. This was the best advice he will ever have, that he needs to be sure he really faces that he will have to eat properly after the operation and make sure that he is positive that he can do it otherwise he is going into this half blind to the facts. I asked him what made him think that if he lost all the weight he wouldn't go back like he did twice before. He admitted that he didn't want to think about it, that he just wanted to lose weight.

Now this was my observation: It was his enthusiasm, it was just like all the enthusiasm I have seen with others and felt myself throughout my life everytime a new pill or new miracle diet plan comes out. It is not just enthusiasm it is like a trance, it is a self-brainwashing. We belong to a self made cult!!! It is the Miracle Weight Loss Cult. We want to believe in a miracle cure so badly that when some Marketer comes along with a "diet"we just automatically turn off all our reasoning and blindly go forth following our new Saviour!

My conclusion: Never forget that losing weight requires a whole lifestyle change, not just a "diet". What is the point of starving yourself or eating packaged food if you can't do it for the rest of your life? What is the point of getting a gastric bypass (the sure fire way to lose weight) if you don't change your eating habits. Get out of the Weight Loss Cult, there is NO miracle... there is only YOU changing yourself for life and make it a change that makes you happy, that is do-able for life!!!

Good Carbs vs Bad Carbs

After YEARS of studying the subject regarding the balance of carbohydrates, fats & proteins in our bodies I've concluded that how our physical chemistry turns food into energy is very complicated but the way we should eat is very simple. According to all the info out there we need a substantial amount of carbs daily and we've heard repeatedly that there are good carbs and bad carbs.

The simplest way to understand this good carb vs bad carb is to fully understand that the longer it takes for our bodies to convert carbohydrates to sugar/glycogen the better.

Processed food like white sugar or white flour converts much faster than a whole grain or whole fruit and vegetables. The reason is that the whole grain is complex and the body takes much longer to digest it and break it down. I know that it's elementary, but here is one step further in the process:

Insulin: In the most simplest explanation, Insulin is a BRILLIANT GENIUS hormone that reacts to our blood glucose/sugar and then it knows what to do with it. Insulin is secreted/made when it receives this blood sugar then its function is primarily to send it to the liver to be stored as glycogen(similar to alcohol)..too much insulin (from too much blood sugar) and the liver then stores it as fat! That is the reason that sugar causes obesity when it's so low calorie per tsp.

The release of Insulin should be nice and slow and in spurts...so the Complex unrefined unprocessed carbohydrates allow for this to happen. Too much sugar in the blood in ANY form can cause the production of too much insulin which the liver will then store it as FAT or lipids. Lipids are also the fat that over time can clog your arteries. So even too high of GOOD carbs can be bad for people if they have too much other sugars charging their blood stream creating insulin.

Diabetes is when this Insulin hormone is out of whack either because of hereditary(most likely) or something else. I bet it makes sense now that when a Diabetic changes their sugary/bad carb intake they lose weight even if they don't decrease their calorie intake.
And one more thing...Insulin is so important for so many functions including our brains that it is so wise to look after it by feeding it good healthy whole grains and avoiding all processed food.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if you found out that you could lose weight, feel great and not be hungry simply by being considerate of your Insulin Hormone and eating only NON processed food. Your liver will love you too, it really hates being force fed all this sugar and constantly storing it as fat.

So much happiness by just giving up BAD CARBS.

Posting about my weight loss experience

The "Lights" go ON!

I always had a weight problem but kept in total control by never eating white flour or sugar and ate only healthy natural fats. Around the age of 45 I started to go off my way of eating just a teeny wee bit here and there...a little sugar, a little flour, a little butter...and I knew I gained...but only 5 pounds that year. Within in a few years I saw that I was gaining at a rate of about 5-6 lbs a year. I went into DENIAL and stopped getting on the scale.

I knew I had ballooned way beyond any weight I had ever been. By now I had stopped weighing myself for years...the truth would have been too much to bear, besides I was really trying to lose and couldn't imagine that I wasn't losing and it had to be impossible that I was still gaining.

It had to be impossible because I hardly ate! Well, what I mean is I could go for 2 or 3 days eating very little so that I could have that BIG MEAL without worrying about gaining. Eventually I would eat very little during the day so that I could have that BIG dinner with my husband. Because I ate so little, I knew I could add on that extra butter in the mashed potatoes, fry the fish in lots of oil and no problem with all that salad dressing, butter in the peas and on fresh crusty bread and of course my icecream for dessert was SUGAR FREE so that meant I could eat some YUMMM chocolate. Potato chips as an evening snack, were ok, cause I knew I would hardly eat "tomorrow". (did I mention the second helpings?)

I had no idea who that woman was in the mirrors or in the reflection in store windows. Whenever there was a photograph of me I had to believe it was the angle of the shot that made me look 3times bigger than anyone else...I had to believe it.

In retrospect, was I depressed? Was I under extreme stress? Answer YES, but today...the root of my sadness still exists and the cause of my extreme stress has never been resolved. The truth is: only when I had momentary sanity about how big I was did I have any real hugely deep emotional distress!!! If I was an emotional eater it was mostly because I was in HELL about gaining so much weight.

I often asked for thyroid tests. Both parents needed thyroid meds and it was just a matter of time that I needed them, I was sure! I read every word on Thyroid symptoms..each word was ME, but tests always came back that I was within normal range. My blood sugar was normal, my Cholesterol normal...so WHY WASN'T I NORMAL!

The worst was I became so tired, could hardly move, seriously...could hardly move! A friend told me about a Naturopathic Doctor who (get this) worked 3 blocks away from my home and I made an appt. I was looking for the blood work to tell me why I was so big...and why I was so tired. This is the honest truth...I stood on the Dr.'s scale backwards so that I wouldn't know how much I weighed. How's that for DENIAL?

After much blood work she put me on a Thyroid Support, my thyroid was in HIGH normal range and there is proof that high normal can be too high for some people. I did not get Thyroid Replacement meds because I just do not need them! Period! Thyroid support is just some herbs that help feed the thyroid to do it's job.

OK, here is what the Dr. did do! (By the way she is a young magnificent beauty who is Tops in her field-I do have THAT kind of luck) The Dr. made me write out everything I ate for 7 days...that is when she said I wasn't eating enough and the blood tests showed that I was in starvation mode. When you are in starvation mode you do not automatically convert to burning mode when you eat! You are still in starvation mode which means that your body is going to STORE whatever you eat for when it will be in starvation mode again. It stores it as FAT.

OK- she got me off all processed food. Had me on a food plan that made me eat 3 meals a day with real food snacks between meals. The bulk of my meals became fresh vegetables. She still reminds me how I was positive I would gain eating so much and argued with her. By the way I asked her to let me know when I lost 20lbs then I would look at the scale. When I did, I WAS SHOCKED. I had obviously gained almost 80 lbs over the years since I was 45.

I don't expect to weigh what I did in my 20's to 40's, I'm 5'9 and was model thin at that time. Now my skin is getting pretty wrinkly and so I will be happy to be heavier by 15 lbs.

I've lost about 55lbs at this point in time by EATING. ( I don't do enough exercise, but am trying)

The light is "ON" that I am the type that must always beware of Food Land Mines..some people can eat a piece of cake, I am taking my life into my hands if I even have a taste! I can not let my Emotional Attachment to food to ruin my hopes for myself and there is no question whatsoever it has total potential to be the start of my road to ruin.

If I have proven anything at all to myself it's that a person can lose weight at any age..at any size...but..they first must once and for all change their ways. No it's not the hard part! The hard part is not giving up. The hard part is really facing that deep emotional depression that comes with being powerless over food, the hard part becomes so easy(for the most part) when you start to lose by eating right!!!

I am an advocate for not eating processed food, for not eating at night and for planning, counting calories by weighing and measuring. It may not be the way you want to lose, or the way you have lost...but if you are like ME, it is the only way!

Fast forward to today...I am not perfect, I have my screw-ups but I am so HAPPY! As long as I don't let myself get too hungry I can make the right choices. And I eat a LOT, all day!

Posting about my weight loss experience

Plain and Simple


It is a very simple mathematical equation. You need to burn more calories than you are eating. Your age, height and gender will determine how many calories you burn (on average of course) if you are sedentary, semi-active or very active.

It's also simple human biology/chemistry that if you don't consume enough calories your body will think it is being starved and will start to STORE food as a FAT reserve. The biggest consequence of not eating enough throughout the day is that when you do eat a big meal or a lot at one time, the body doesn't Automatically reverse itself out of STORING mode and go into burning mode. So if you hardly ate at all during the day and had a huge dinner, you will not lose weight, might even gain.

Another thing is INSULIN! Insulin is the hormone that makes fat (in the simplest terms) Insulin is created by carbohydrates. Our generation lives on processed food (flour and sugar) and that is exactly what cranks up our Fat creating Insulin.

But people don't care! They eat white bread, sugar, extreme quantities of fat and SALT etc etc, its only when they wake up one day 100lbs overweight that they realize what they did wrong. Then it's too late, most are usually addicted and have learned that Food can temporarily comfort any and all emotions. That completes the vicious cycle and getting people to change is like trying to take away a teddy bear from a baby or a bone from a dog.
People say they LOVE the food but hate their bodies...kinda of mixed up isn't it.

I am a gourmet cook and have eaten at the most gourmet restaurants in lots of cities, my palate is very evolved and for me to eat just simple basic food isn't easy, but I do it as best as I can. Its a miracle that I lost the weight I gained by eating like a lunatic for a few years...it wasn't easy to lose, it's a full time job 24/7 to make sure I eat enough and certainly not too much...and mostly the right balance of carbs, proteins +fat FOR LIFE.

I've been contemplating giving cooking classes and day to day meal planning to people who understand what is needed to lose weight, stay healthy and that diets don't work because they are temporary.
We need permanent loss not fast weight loss...we need to learn how to eat right for life.

There is also a real Psycho Drama that occurs around food and that is one of the biggest obstacles in making the change needed . Relearning how to love yourself enough to let go of the death grip on food could require counseling on many different levels.

Posting about my weight loss experience

Weighing and Measuring Food.

"I truly need to do this weighing and measuring. If I can lie to myself when the FACTS are right in front of me...Think of how easy it would be to lie to myself about portions if I didn't do this!"

Weighing on my digital scale is always for the cooked food I am about to eat...UNLESS it is pasta/rice/etc..because the calorie content on the packages are always for dry uncooked!!! Then it is a bit harder to figure. For example I made Quinoa today, it is 160 cals for 1/4 cup DRY, so I cooked 1 full cup and divided it into 4. It might seem like a lot of work...but it is the only way I can honestly know what the Eff I'm doing!

As for weighing directly on the scale...I just place a piece of plastic wrap on the scale either with the food in it or put it on top of the plastic (cooked). The scale is for meats and cheeses mostly.

This might sound completely pathetic but I once weighed my coffee: 1st the empty cup then with the coffee. I was curious to see how much water weighs too!

This is the moment of truth! See if you can be totally honest with yourself and if a food is 4.1 ounces will you mention the .1 ounce...also if you used oil in cooking, measure that OIL. So many times I actually wanted to basically LIE to myself that it made me realize how much I truly need to do this weighing and measuring. If I can lie to myself when the FACTS are right in front of me...Think of how easy it would be to lie to myself about portions if I didn't do this!

I know I've found a way to lose that isn't dieting and is perfect for being nourished and content.

Don't forget to use (free) sparkpeople.com, it's a billion times better than writing it out on paper and trying to figure out the MATH.