Monday, February 1, 2010

Posting about my weight loss experience

The "Lights" go ON!

I always had a weight problem but kept in total control by never eating white flour or sugar and ate only healthy natural fats. Around the age of 45 I started to go off my way of eating just a teeny wee bit here and there...a little sugar, a little flour, a little butter...and I knew I gained...but only 5 pounds that year. Within in a few years I saw that I was gaining at a rate of about 5-6 lbs a year. I went into DENIAL and stopped getting on the scale.

I knew I had ballooned way beyond any weight I had ever been. By now I had stopped weighing myself for years...the truth would have been too much to bear, besides I was really trying to lose and couldn't imagine that I wasn't losing and it had to be impossible that I was still gaining.

It had to be impossible because I hardly ate! Well, what I mean is I could go for 2 or 3 days eating very little so that I could have that BIG MEAL without worrying about gaining. Eventually I would eat very little during the day so that I could have that BIG dinner with my husband. Because I ate so little, I knew I could add on that extra butter in the mashed potatoes, fry the fish in lots of oil and no problem with all that salad dressing, butter in the peas and on fresh crusty bread and of course my icecream for dessert was SUGAR FREE so that meant I could eat some YUMMM chocolate. Potato chips as an evening snack, were ok, cause I knew I would hardly eat "tomorrow". (did I mention the second helpings?)

I had no idea who that woman was in the mirrors or in the reflection in store windows. Whenever there was a photograph of me I had to believe it was the angle of the shot that made me look 3times bigger than anyone else...I had to believe it.

In retrospect, was I depressed? Was I under extreme stress? Answer YES, but today...the root of my sadness still exists and the cause of my extreme stress has never been resolved. The truth is: only when I had momentary sanity about how big I was did I have any real hugely deep emotional distress!!! If I was an emotional eater it was mostly because I was in HELL about gaining so much weight.

I often asked for thyroid tests. Both parents needed thyroid meds and it was just a matter of time that I needed them, I was sure! I read every word on Thyroid symptoms..each word was ME, but tests always came back that I was within normal range. My blood sugar was normal, my Cholesterol WHY WASN'T I NORMAL!

The worst was I became so tired, could hardly move, seriously...could hardly move! A friend told me about a Naturopathic Doctor who (get this) worked 3 blocks away from my home and I made an appt. I was looking for the blood work to tell me why I was so big...and why I was so tired. This is the honest truth...I stood on the Dr.'s scale backwards so that I wouldn't know how much I weighed. How's that for DENIAL?

After much blood work she put me on a Thyroid Support, my thyroid was in HIGH normal range and there is proof that high normal can be too high for some people. I did not get Thyroid Replacement meds because I just do not need them! Period! Thyroid support is just some herbs that help feed the thyroid to do it's job.

OK, here is what the Dr. did do! (By the way she is a young magnificent beauty who is Tops in her field-I do have THAT kind of luck) The Dr. made me write out everything I ate for 7 days...that is when she said I wasn't eating enough and the blood tests showed that I was in starvation mode. When you are in starvation mode you do not automatically convert to burning mode when you eat! You are still in starvation mode which means that your body is going to STORE whatever you eat for when it will be in starvation mode again. It stores it as FAT.

OK- she got me off all processed food. Had me on a food plan that made me eat 3 meals a day with real food snacks between meals. The bulk of my meals became fresh vegetables. She still reminds me how I was positive I would gain eating so much and argued with her. By the way I asked her to let me know when I lost 20lbs then I would look at the scale. When I did, I WAS SHOCKED. I had obviously gained almost 80 lbs over the years since I was 45.

I don't expect to weigh what I did in my 20's to 40's, I'm 5'9 and was model thin at that time. Now my skin is getting pretty wrinkly and so I will be happy to be heavier by 15 lbs.

I've lost about 55lbs at this point in time by EATING. ( I don't do enough exercise, but am trying)

The light is "ON" that I am the type that must always beware of Food Land Mines..some people can eat a piece of cake, I am taking my life into my hands if I even have a taste! I can not let my Emotional Attachment to food to ruin my hopes for myself and there is no question whatsoever it has total potential to be the start of my road to ruin.

If I have proven anything at all to myself it's that a person can lose weight at any any size...but..they first must once and for all change their ways. No it's not the hard part! The hard part is not giving up. The hard part is really facing that deep emotional depression that comes with being powerless over food, the hard part becomes so easy(for the most part) when you start to lose by eating right!!!

I am an advocate for not eating processed food, for not eating at night and for planning, counting calories by weighing and measuring. It may not be the way you want to lose, or the way you have lost...but if you are like ME, it is the only way!

Fast forward to today...I am not perfect, I have my screw-ups but I am so HAPPY! As long as I don't let myself get too hungry I can make the right choices. And I eat a LOT, all day!

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