Is it really possible?

WOW, been through a lot since I hit my goal weight. First I made a huge mistake by going on MAINTENANCE the same minute the scale hit the goal number. I should have waited at least month to be sure it was a true weight.

So many thoughts surrounding the "NUMBER" on a scale but will try to not ramble and get to it all in due time.

After 2 years with relatively few slips I snapped like a dry twig in a split second to add more calories to my daily food plan. I was so excited and that was where the slip began. I flew across the precipice of getting more to eat with the same mindlessness I had when I was eating everything in sight. And WOW it was a WHOPPING 200 to 400 additional calories for my weight, age, gender, and height...they were WRONG. I promptly gained 5pounds. A Five pound fluctuation sounds like a normal weight gain but it was a SOLID 5lbs. I fluctuated the usual 3 to 5lbs on top of that. In other words, in no time I could be up TEN (10) pounds from my goal weight. Having that happen after slowly losing for over 2years was worse than a Taser Shock.

I know the statistics, all but 10% gain back the weight and more, also of that 10% only 5% don't gain some of it back at all.

If I would gain all 65lbs back, I probably would want to run away and live in a cave.

Still, that extreme fear didn't stop me from thinking I could be like so many people that can still have a "chocolate brownie" (for example)
I CAN NOT DO THAT. Why?
Because:

MENTALLY: if it's OK to eat a brownie, it's OK to eat a brownie anytime.
PHYSICALLY: My metabolism can no longer handle getting such a pure blast of Glycogen(sugar) and not turn it to fat
EMOTIONALLY: The high I get from the sugar makes it easier to deal with my emotions and I need to be able to feel them, not shove them away with food.
SPIRITUALLY: Because I have to respect that my life with all it's imperfections is a gift and I shouldn't clog it up with anything that could tarnish it. (especially with self loathing that I am obese.)

Here is the good news, I found the key. The key is WILLINGNESS. A very hard key to find, keep and use but all you have to do for the first step is to NOT GIVE UP trying. The key of willingness is how you will come to believe you can do it. Until you believe you can do this it won't happen.
So, be willing to believe that you can do it.
Be willing to not give up.
Be willing to understand what it is you are doing wrong at a very conscious level and face it.
Be willing to believe that you are not a problem person you are a person with a problem
Be willing to feel the emotions that have been stuffed down for so long.
Be willing to let yourself be the good parent or adult to yourself and calm those anxiety emotions, Be Willing to get HELP if you can't do it.
Be willing to find a proper food plan, don't hang onto the hope that you can still eat the foods that make you gain and the quantities and change at the same time.
Be willing to start NOW, be willing to start NOW, Be willing to pick yourself up and start being willing!!!!

I am going to continue on my quest to teach what I've learned, I've remained anonymous for a good reason...the less people know about me personally the better it is for them to not judge me. It is natural to judge a person and compare themselves...who I am, what I look like and my accomplishments do not matter. What matters is if I have enough intelligence to make sense.

Words only have meaning when a person is ready. Be willing to understand what you as a unique person truly wants and be willing to work at giving it to yourself.

I know what you want, you wouldn't have read this far if you didn't want...to be healthy and have this problem with eating and food off your back. Be willing to get rid of processed food.

It is really possible to love what you eat, eat a lot, make it delicious, lose weight and be very proud of the accomplishment to get the food monkey off your back.
It is possible to feel so good about eating right that you actually don't care that you don't look like an 18 year old model. IT IS PEACE OF MIND, EMOTIONS, BODY and SPIRIT. YOU CAN DO IT.